It's not my agenda anymore

When I made my 101 Goals in 1001 days, the first thing I put on my list (after making the list itself) is to read the Bible straight through, cover to cover. In my own special, hyperfocused, one-track minded way, I was thinking I would need to figure out how many chapters there are and how many days there are and how much I would have to read each day to get it done in the time allotted!

But a funny thing happened. I kept getting "bogged down." I'd be reading along, and a verse would grab my attention. And I'd just have to search out more about it. Read a commentary or look up the other verses with the interesting word or check out the Hebrew. And I'd be so busy doing something extra that I didn't have time to finish enough chapters. The next day, it would happen again. And yet again. I was not getting the job done!

It finally dawned on my rock brain that This was the point. Not to rush through the words, but to let the Spirit set the pace and the agenda. So even though "Read the Bible cover to cover" is still on my 1001 day list, how long it's really going to take is totally out of my hands.

This is what the Lord showed me a few days ago. I'm in Numbers right now, the 40 years in the wilderness book. I can remember reading these stories when I was a kid in Sunday School and VBS. And I can remember thinking what jerks the Israelites were. If I had seen God send the plagues to smite Egypt, if I had seen God part the Red Sea, if I had been promised the land flowing with milk and honey, well now, I would've been the bravest of the brave, the most faithful, the most trusting, the most believing. Honey, my bones would not be bleaching out in the desert, 'cause I would've been marching right alongside Joshua and Caleb to claim my inheritance. Can anybody relate?

I had similar misconceptions about the story of Balaam. Balaam asked God if he could go and get paid for cursing God's people. God had already said over and over and over that these people were His people and that whoever blessed His people would be blessed and whoever cursed His people would be cursed. So when Balaam asked for permission to curse them, God said no. Balaam asked again and this time, God said yes. So Balaam went and God was angry. Made no sense to me. That seemed to be one of those situations that cause people to say that the Bible contradicts itself. Why would God say yes and then get mad? What's up with that?!

And then I began to see exactly what's up with that. How many issues are there in my life and in the culture around me where the Lord has clearly stated over and over again what His standards are and yet I/we want to live as though He hasn't said a word about any of it. Please, Lord, Please Please Please! So He stands back and says, "Go ahead!" That's not permission and blessing. That's giving us enough rope to hang ourselves. When things go south, as they always will when we live in violation of his Word, then we're like Balaam. We say, "IF you displeased..." uh, we'll do something else? Much to my shock, there I am again. One of those clueless people. Wandering out in the wilderness with no idea how I got there.

What joy and comfort and security to know that I belong to the One who calls me back when I get off track. Who knows that my righteousness is as filthy rags--so He gives me His own. And what a pleasure it is to find this reassurance tucked into the stories of the people whose promises we are allowed to share.